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Wait! Before You Judge, Put Yourself in Their Skin

judge empathy

Credit: Flickr user tonz

It is often said that we should “walk a mile in someone’s shoes” before we pass judgment or give advice.  This is extremely sound advice.  In Thomas Dubay’s excellent book on community life, Caring: A Biblical Theology of Community, he adjusts the phrase to putting yourself in someone’s skin, which I think is even more personal than temporarily inhabiting their shoes.

When does one person really care for the other – as distinguished from seeking oneself under guise of altruism? The best way I can summarize what I sense to be the New Testament concept is to use an inelegant expression: to care is to jump into the other’s skin. It is to become the other in mind and heart, to live the other’s interests. To care is to become one’s brother, one’s sister.

Caring in Christian community is expressed biblically in a number of ways. The disciple looks out for his brother’s welfare as he looks out for his own. Paul can assert that it is his heart’s desire that his Jewish compatriots be saved (Rm 10:1). The apostle’s own peace of mind is possible only upon his hearing that the Thessalonians are still strong in their faith. This living in the brother’s skin is well brought out in the translation of NEB: “It is the breath of life to us that you stand firm in the Lord” (1 Thess 3:8). Paul wants everyone to try to please his neighbor (Rm 15:2) and to look after the other’s interests rather than his own (Phil 2:4). Everything is to be done in love (1 Cor 16:14).

…

Caring implies inliving. Two who love enjoy a mutual inbeing. They live in each other through thought and love. More than once Paul tells his brothers that they dwell in his heart (2 Cor 7:3, 1 Thess 2:17, Phil 1:7) and even that they are to make room for him in their hearts (2 Cor 7:2). Spacial distance does not prevent the apostle from being spiritually present to the Corinthians (1 Cor 5:3-4). Persons in community are vibrantly present to one another. A mere formality will never do.

When it comes to dealing with each other’s issues, it can be easy to mentally, intellectually run through a person’s situation and provide an obvious answer.  One might even get frustrated when the other person doesn’t suddenly jump up with excitement and run to immediately follow the sound advice.

The intellectual answer may be perfectly sound and logical, but it often lacks a connection to the heart of the situation, to the heart of the person(s) involved.

Mom has a misbehaving child?  Obviously they should be grounded.  But maybe she’s a single mother who doesn’t get much time with her child and doesn’t want to lose time together by sending the unruly child to their room alone.

Someone has been physically or emotionally abused?  Obviously you should forgive and reconcile regardless of how you feel.  Perhaps, though, they literally tremble in fear or burst into tears when near the person who hurt them. Of course, forgiveness and reconciliation is the goal, but getting there may be a long road.

If you think I’m making these things up, think again.  I’ve seen this happen many times.

The problem with plain, vanilla answers and advice to issues is that most people are not plain vanilla.  Each person is a complex mix of desires, hopes, ambitions, fears, feelings, and a history of good and bad and many times horrible experiences that make them who they are today.

So if pat answers aren’t really any answer at all, what are we to do with each other’s struggles?

We get inside each others’ skin.  We see the world through their eyes and ears.  We feel the world through their heart.

This is a key component to any relationship that goes beyond surface level.

It takes time and can be difficult to set ourselves aside, yet this is what a true friend does.

Consider Jesus.  Jesus emptied Himself and fully inhabited our human experience.

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. (2 Cor. 8:9)

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. (Heb. 4:15)

You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross. (Phil 2:5-8)

Jesus constantly felt and showed compassion to others.

When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them … (Matt. 9:36)

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick. (Matt. 14:14)

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. … Jesus wept. (Jn. 11:33, 35)

But how do we embody someone else’s struggles?

The best answer I know of is to do it in relationship.  Walk in their skin by walking right beside them.  Get close to them.  And most importantly, serve them.

Let your time together be about them, not about you.

Become their #1 fan and cheerleader.

Encourage them.

Remind them of who they are in Christ, Who is our greatest reality.  He is Truth, and in Him we find the Truth of who we really are.  And it is often the first thing we forget when we are struggling with something.

In Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of the habits is to “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  Or in other words, no one is going to listen to you until you have listened to them first.  This mutual listening best transpires in the context of living life together.

Rather than sitting down to hash out the issue at hand, just spend time with them… with no agenda.  If certain issues don’t come up, let it go.  Don’t force your opinions if they aren’t sought out.  Trust Jesus.

Breathe the life of Christ together in their midst.  Simply living through Him in the presence of others will stir the Spirit in them and open doorways that Christ may walk through.

Here’s what I’m not saying:

Ignore all issues that are uncomfortable.

Never confront anyone.

Ignore a person’s sin so you are never considered judgmental.

I’m focusing more on the method in which that confrontation takes place and is walked out.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matt. 7:12)

Love your neighbor as yourself. (Matt. 22:39)

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Gal. 6:2)

In my experience, pointing others to Christ and allowing Him to work often resolves the situation.  Or, through sharing His life together, the issue comes up in a natural way and is addressed through a dialog together that is mutually beneficial.

Listening is an act of love.  Or as Dubay wrote, “A caring community is a listening community.”

Get in someone’s skin today…

Follow the Life!

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What Happens When I Spend Time Alone with Jesus

Whenever I’m alone with you, Jesus, you make me feel…

home

whole

young

fun

free

clean.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThnePX8ghfo

 

Follow the Life!

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What the Church Can Learn from Divergent

divergent train tracks

Credit: Flickr user jhansensnaps

I recently watched the film Divergent, the first in a trilogy series based on a popular novel series by the same name.  I was intrigued after watching the movie and decided to read the book, which was also very good.

In this story, there is some kind of disaster that requires the survivors to essentially restart society.  (I’ve only read the first book, so I don’t know any more detail than that.  I hope it is further revealed as the books progress.)  The story of Divergent picks up at what seems to be many years after the disaster in the city of Chicago.  Much of the city is in ruins, and the people have organized themselves into “factions”.

Each faction emphasizes a particular quality over and above all others.

There are five factions.  One emphasizes selflessness, another bravery, another peace, a fourth emphasizes knowledge, and lastly truth.

Children are raised in the faction of their families, but when they turn sixteen, they take a test (a virtual reality type hallucination) that reveals their true faction by judging their strongest trait from their decisions during the test.  They are still able to choose any faction, but most follow the faction they grew up in, which is usually confirmed in the test.

The original idea of the factions, of course was to support each other and provide balance in the new society.  However, the factions become jealous of each other, primarily because the selfless faction was given control of the government.

It is interesting to me how this scenario compares with our Christian landscape today.  We have so many factions, each emphasizing a particular aspect of our life in Christ.  Some focus on knowledge, others focus on good works for the poor and oppressed, some focus on spiritual gifts, others focus on non-violence, while yet others focus on strictly obeying the law.  And then there are sub-factions to the factions.

And the lines are drawn.

Separated, we understand very little of each other.  Subcultures develop that are completely foreign to each other, so much that people become too uncomfortable to reach out across the not-so-imaginary lines.

Enter the Divergent.

The Divergent have no faction.

The heroin of the Divergent series is a young girl whose faction test results are inconclusive.  Her reactions to the simulation indicate multiple faction possibilities because she draws from various characteristics to respond to the test.

Being divergent is dangerous because any one faction cannot control them.  Their brains simply resist the conditioning (“initiation”) that is meant to teach them the strict boundaries and role of their faction.

The Divergent are rare and are terminated when discovered because they challenge the system that controls them, and people with power do not like to be challenged.

The Apostle Paul spoke of factions in the church:

Divisions in the Church

I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, so that no one may say that you were baptized in my name. (I did baptize also the household of Stephanas. Beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

(1 Corinthians 1:10-17 ESV)

Paul reprimands the Corinthian believers who have lost their focus on Jesus Christ as the one true Head of the church and he calls them to be united together.

Surely, this is a hard road.

Getting along with folks that are wildly different from us is not easy.

Taking in other people’s viewpoints and adjusting our own is not easy.

Yielding to others is not easy.

At least, not in our own power.  But when we yield to Christ in all things, His life in us is manifested, we are made new, and we are able to do new things.

We are able to be united in Him.  We are able to lay down differences and seek and explore Him together, learning from each other, valuing each other, desiring each other, caring for each other, encouraging each other, and embracing and drawing strength from our divergence rather than being afraid of it.

Yes, there will still be arguments and disagreements and hurt feelings.  But if you really stick it out together and hold to Christ, something new and precious will be deposited in His new city.

I have been in gatherings where the life of Christ is richly expressed through many different lenses, and the vision of Christ that results is breathtaking.

I am convinced that isolating ourselves into countless factions over countless issues is not the way of Christ.

Christ is always divergent from the flesh and towards the divine.

Perhaps it is time for the church to embrace the Divergent.

Follow the Life!

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The Cost of God’s House

What will it cost you to build God’s Spiritual House?

The following excerpt is from Milt and Mary Rodriguez’s novel, The Gathering, in which God calls believers together through dreams to pursue building His ekklesia.  In the following scene, one character, George is having one of these dreams and is witnessing a brother sharing in a church meeting:

The Lord said that before we build, we should consider the cost.  It is very foolish to start building without first understanding the price of materials. “What are the materials?  Gold, silver, and precious stones.  The building is His Body.  It is made of living stones.  Christ is this foundation.  What is the cost of this building?  What is the cost of this Pearl?  What is the cost of this Treasure?  The answer is simple: THE COST IS YOUR LIFE . . .

… everything which you hold onto, everything which is your security, your comfort, your sanctuary.  It may cost your family, friends, leisure, career, money, hobbies, spouse, possessions, daily routine, etc.  The things which hinder you from becoming God’s Building in a practical way, these things are your life.  Jesus said you must lose your life!  You see, losing is the only way to gain.  If you will lose your life, then you will gain His life.  His life is a life lived out with your brothers and sisters.  His life is a corporate life, not a separated, individualistic life.  These things which get in the way of His life . . . these things are your life.  Lose it.  Paul said it is through much tribulation that we enter into the kingdom.  It’s not easy.  There will be many obstacles along the way.  But believe me, brothers and sisters, it will be worth it.”

As he continued to speak, George began to look into the faces of those sitting around this living room.  He could see it . . . he could see it on their faces.  They had paid a price to be there.  In each face, there was joy, and yet, he could detect a deep pain.  It was not pain as one normally comprehended it.  It was a pain which was intricately interwoven with the joy.  There was no hint of remorse, or resentment, or regret.  Their resolve was clear.  The eyes of each one only revealed glory and beauty.  The faces, however, manifested the deep scars — the wounds which would forever remain because they were each one with the Crucified.  They fellowshipped with one another in His sufferings.  They were filled up within their bodies that which lacked of the sufferings of Christ for His Body.

The suffering had been great and the persecution monumental, but that did not make them special.  There was this treasure in them.  And even though the field looked barren and neglected and unattractive because, after all, it was made of earth; the treasure within radiated through the portals of their souls, their eyes.  Oh . . . … those eyes told the whole story!  One could not peer into those eyes without getting lost in the fire of His love.  The passion of His being.  The downright splendor of His glory!  And that eternal weight, that unending Rock of Heaven, that perfect reflection of the Father, was purchased by the mere human life.

And for the first time in his life, George saw a tiny glimpse of what the Lamb had paid to purchase Her . . . that one who would be His Wife.  And even though he felt as if he had not suffered very much, somehow, he understood their suffering.  They were one with Him.  His suffering was their suffering.  How could the Head suffer pain without the Body suffering likewise?  George was seeing something in the faces of these people which he had never seen before: the inexplicable oneness of Christ with His Church.

He looked around the room and whispered to himself. “He really is one with us . . . He really is!” George’s thoughts were interrupted as the soft spoken, bearded man continued. “We must never give up on the dream.  He has called us to carry the torch, the witness of His eternal purpose in this age.  We cannot quit.  We must carry the torch to the next generation.  We must never give up on the dream.  Never give up on the dream.  Never give up on the . . .

Follow the Life!

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What is Life on the Highest Plane?

highest life

Picture taken by me in Stans, Switzerland on Stanserhorn Mountain

Jesus Christ is intensely real and precious to the spiritual man, and he considers, loves, serves, adores and worships Him. This condition is not due to anything in himself but is true because of his yielding himself unreservedly to the influence and operation of the Holy Spirit, through whom he has been enabled to seek, to receive, to love and to know Christ Jesus as his Saviour and through whom he is filled with His life. Surely this brief sketch of the spiritual man reveals life lived on the highest plane.

– Ruth Paxson, Life on the Highest Plane: God’s Plan for Spiritual Maturity

Follow the (Highest) Life!

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The Beauty of Story

I recently returned from a vacation with my family to West Virginia, the state that my wife and I both grew up in. This was a needed time of peace and relaxation.

story wv bridge new river gorge

Taken by me at New River Gorge Bridge, WV

The park we camped in was near my wife’s hometown, so we visited with a few folks while we were there.

One thing I noticed while talking with folks in “Almost Heaven” is the value West “By God” Virginians place on storytelling.  I kept finding myself with folks who wanted to swap stories, and I even wondered if a good story is the most frequently bartered item in the state.  One gentleman would patiently tell his story, and then wait for me to tell one in return, then he would start a new story himself, and back and forth we went.

I know there are people all over who love stories, but it seems very prevalent in West Virginia.  Perhaps it is because life seems to move just a bit slower there.

Jesus, of course, was a master storyteller.  He is writing a story, His-story as some have called it, throughout eternity.  This story is the ultimate story, and it reveals the ultimate purpose and desires of His heart.

If you read the Scriptures carefully, you will see this narrative woven through the entirety of Scripture.

God is looking for a counterpart to His Son.  A holy bride to love and cherish.  A bride that knows His Son, and is known by Him.

God is looking for a family.  An “enlargement” of Himself.  A people who express His character.

God is looking for a home.  A place to rest.  A place to deposit Himself.

Each of us is living a story of some kind.  Is your story wrapped up in God’s ultimate story? 

Follow the Life!

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Jesus: The Genesis and Freshness of the Church

Note: I’ve been in some professional training and have not been able to post as often as I would like.  I will be out of town the next two weeks as well, and will have limited posts during that time.

freshness genesis life

Credit: Flickr user tzofia (cc)

Now, on to some Friday fun!

This quote from Watchman Nee’s book, Love Not the World is of critical importance for the church today.  As many Christ followers are moving away from institutional forms of church and returning to smaller, simpler formats, the issue of source is paramount.

There are many “things” that groups meeting in a simple format (typically in a home) are established around.  Some of those are:

– Bible study (often focused on a particular doctrine that all in the group must accept)

– Separating from the world (often focused on home life, home school, home church)

– Doing church the “biblical way” (focused on discerning and following a NT liturgy of sorts)

– Saving souls (often focused on a particular evangelism method, and focused on the need to save many people quickly)

– Fellowship (focused on developing relationships and often avoids any formal meeting)

– Following an individual (often focused around a strong-willed person looking for followers, often unhealthy)

– Discipleship (focused on more experienced believers training younger believers)

– Social Justice (focused on helping the needy or poor in some way)

These are some of the “big ones” that I’m aware of.  Some of these can be healthy for a group to pursue at the time that the Lord leads in this direction.  

But by themselves they are just things.

None of these things should be the source, origin, or focus of a church.

God has not given us “things”, He has given us a “Person”, His Son Jesus Christ.  And as Ephesians 1 says, all spiritual things are given to us in Him.

Here’s the quote from Watchman Nee:

All that belongs to human nature continues spontaneously; all that belongs to God continues only for as long as God’s working continues.  And the world is all-inclusively that which can go on by itself without the need of specific acts of God to maintain it in freshness.  The world, and all that belongs to the world, does this naturally – it is its nature – and in doing so it moves in a direction contrary to the will of God.

Any group of believers that desire to follow Christ together must then together submit themselves to His leading.

This requires a constant turning to the Lord both individually and together and asking Him for direction.  It requires a strong spirit of exploration.  This requires that we resist instituting rigid traditions where the Spirit is leading a group through a season of some kind.

Ultimately, this requires that Jesus is our Focus, our Life, our Goal, our Source (our Genesis), our Head, our Way.

Other “things” will not sustain the life of the church.  They are dead in and of themselves.

Turning to Jesus constantly brings His freshness into our lives and life together.  (This is the intended meaning of the signature line of my posts… “follow the life”.)

Follow the Life!

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The Architect’s Eternal Home

rock eternal home

Credit: Flickr user bswise

The Architect

There was once a great and wise Architect. In fact, He was the wisest of all Architects.

This Architect had lived in many different kinds of dwellings.  Some were temporary, like a tent.  Others were more permanent, like a house.  Yet none of these dwellings fulfilled His deepest desires.

This Architect had a deep longing for something… and for someone.

The Architect had one Son, whom He prized.

Indeed, this Son was the apple of His Father’s eye.

The Architect longed to expand the love between He and His Son, and so, deep in His heart, He hid His plans for a new dwelling place.

But this would not be just any dwelling place.  This would be the place where His Son would live with His bride.  The family of the Architect would dwell together and rest in this place.

Rest, family, love.  These were at the heart of the Architect’s deep longing.

The Builders

But the wise Architect was patient and watchful.  At just the right time, He began building the home of His dreams.

Through His Son, He began calling many builders from all different lands together, revealing to them the Foundation that was laid even before the world was formed.  The Son gave them the vision of His Father’s dream home, and He showed them a place abounding with stones of every shape and size.

After pondering what they had seen, many builders began to question the Architect’s vision.

“Isn’t this too costly?”

“Who has the time to build this way?”

“Do you not know that there are modern ways to build things faster?  We have bricks, wood, and man-made materials at our disposal.”

The Son replied, “I have seen all that you describe, but those are not my Father’s way.  These are precious stones, in fact they are living stones, each one specially chosen, and I will build with them, even if the laborers are few.”

With these words, many of the builders departed and went to work for themselves.

The few remaining builders were captured by the vision the Architect’s Son had shared with them.  No other structure they had ever built or ever imagined could come close to this new vision.

And so they began, each with the Architect’s vision in mind, to labor among the stones.  They began, under the Son’s patient direction, the slow, painful process of shaping and molding each stone so that they fit together perfectly.

Generation passed after generation, and still the builders were few. And yet a remnant remained dedicated to the Architect’s vision, inching ever so slightly towards the completion of the Architect’s final dwelling, His eternal home.

Now I say to you that you are Peter (which means ‘rock’), and upon this rock I will build my church, and all the powers of hell will not conquer it.  (Matthew 16:18)

And you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple.  (1 Peter 2:5a)

But Christ, as the Son, is in charge of God’s entire house. And we are God’s house, if we keep our courage and remain confident in our hope in Christ.  (Hebrews 3:6)

Follow the Life!

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Through Christ

Through whom will the last Enemy be destroyed?

Through Christ.  Amen.

Through whom is the sting of death destroyed?

Through the Only Begotten.  Amen.

To whom belongs the rulership?

It belongs to the Son.  Amen.

Through whom has everything come into being?

Through the Firstborn.  Amen.

A gospel fragment from the Strasbourg Coptic Papyrus, 1900.

From the book The Early Christians in Their Own Words.

Follow the Life!

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